from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
