remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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