Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
COCAINE IS GR8
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize