I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize