A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Define "chronic" masturbator.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
