you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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