google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
