At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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