There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
