What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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