We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
