she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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