I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
