there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
