Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
