The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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