you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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