I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
