this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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