areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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