It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
