I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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