Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
