i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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