I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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