You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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