pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
