Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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