I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
