Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
