i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you had me at cake vodka
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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