I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
