Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
