I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
