my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize