I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
