I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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