my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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