i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
