Your tits are I can't wait for
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
