Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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