Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
