Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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