Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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