How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
