Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
