Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
