was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
