Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
please come you make the beer taste better
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
