Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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