guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
