Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
