god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ladies don't puke and tell
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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