I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
