you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
