i permit you to call me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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