I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
