After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
