I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
