I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize