i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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