If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
