I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
