is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
