We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
