stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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