I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
