Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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