are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
