why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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