STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
