Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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