And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
