hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
