At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
