Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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