Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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