You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
