Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
