phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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