Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
