He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
