We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
