I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.