walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.