I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.