I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray