I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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