She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny