she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
