she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She made me pour olive oil on her.