so let's talk penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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